If I were a boy...

I could go raid my girlfriend's closet because everything is now available in 'Boyfriend' cut.

WHAT IS THAT ABOUT???

Ladies, we've come so far in this world and now we're trying to dress like boys? BOYS?!?! Not even distinguished gentlemen! I, for one, think it's beyond frustrating. I have yet to see a large portion of women who actually look good in this cut. They THINK they look good (Sarah Jessica Parker) but in reality, they just look sloppy and that they've pooped their pants. Yeah, that's hot. REEEAAAAL hot.

Now, I will admit, not everyone is curvaceous, and that, my friend, is why they offer straight leg. Moving on.

I'm not built like a boy nor do I want to dress like one. We have such beautiful prints and patterns and materials why on earth would we want to go in a boy's closet and put on their baggy ass jeans? Oh, and then roll them up and throw on some Toms like that is making things any better. Puh-lease.

I was on the Gap website and almost lost my shizz when I saw boyfriend cut blouses. Those words don't even go together. boyfriend | blouses ? NO! Boys don't wear blouses. Well, I suppose some do but that's a whole other post. Girls wear blouses thus they should be cut for girls, well, women actually.

I've spent a good portion of my adult life looking for a damn safety pin in the morning because I have a slight gap between those ill-placed buttons in the boob area of my shirt. Now with this boyfriend cut I'll have to duct tape the entire shirt in order to get it close to being buttoned up. *Note to self: hit up the hardware store after Gap.

Now, if they are simply taking some of the bagginess out of these shirts, can we not think of a more fitting name? Say perhaps, oh I don't know FITTED??? I'm no dummy. I know marketing is partly to blame for this but I'd love to see those numbers on how these items are doing in the stores. Although, like I said, there are women walking around in these articles of clothing just kidding themselves that they look chic and hip.

I am taking a stance that the boyfriend cut has got to stop immediately. Join me in my cause by rocking clothing that celebrates the woman's body, not disguises it in some adolescent boy's wardrobe. We are beautiful creatures who have curves and must endure some of THE most annoying things in life, i.e. child birth, menstrual cycle, menopause, etc., please don't make us also endure the ugliness that is boy jeans for girls. We already work in a man's world, we don't need to dress like them, too.

You be the judge, which cut is more flattering?

Poopy, Boyfriend pants

Flattering, Women's Pants



Love and shoes,

Kimberly

Curly Coo(per)

Photo of the day goes to the deliciously hot and ADORABLE Bradley Cooper. Check out his new 'do for his upcoming role in a 1970's film. Guuuuurl, where you goin' all dolled up???

I have to say, it might not be his BEST look but he's still pretty dang handsome.

Love and shoes,
Kimberly

Should you feel like a hot mess...

Just take a look at these people and you'll feel a whole lot better aobut yourself. These are tragic outfits. TRAGIC.

First up we have a relative of Big Bird. A very distant relative. One that is only brought up after Oscar the Grouch has had one too many white russians with Cookie Monster and starts revealing the skeletons of Sesame Street. Any who, seems her milk glands have come in nicely and the feathers are an effective way to attract all the attention to her growing bump, cuz that's what every pregnant woman wants. Good job on looking tarred and feathered, literally. I have four words for K-Dash: Bye, Bye, Black Bird. 

Enter the Abominable Snowman, aka Lindsey Lohan, aka this is what your style looks like on drugs, aka I blame her parents, aka WTF happened here?

This last one just baffles me. Julianne is so cute, petite, and bubbly. I don't understand ANY of these, um, err, looks? It's like she's trying to be edgy but those baby blues shout All American Girl. Jules, just accept your inner American Sweetheart and put on a Ralph Lauren number so we can all go on about our day.

Love and shoes,

Kimberly

Happy Hearts Full of Love

Hi Everyone!
Happy Valentine's Day! Remember to share your love every single day.

Note: These shoes are hideous but they make me laugh and I have to give credit for no monkey toes hanging over the front. The pedicure is a nice touch as well;-)

Love and shoes,
Kim

That Game where Beyonce is Performing

Hey Gang-
So today is Super Bowl Sunday! I've been looking forward to this day ALL YEAR. That's right, the entire 2013 all the way up to February 3rd the only thing that's been on my mind is dudes running up and down a field in tight, spandex, cropped pants. Heeey! Nothing gives me more pleasure than watching football, hearing my dad yell at the TV, and placing bets on who is going to walk away with the Championship.

Have I laid enough sarcasm down for you? :-)

It's really not all bad. I mean, for instance, me and the girls at work were talking this week about teams, and since our home team, The Texans, aren't in it, we were going over reasons for the teams we're backing. After a long, exhausting session of Google Image searching for photos of the Quarterbacks, I've decided to go for the Ravens. Here are my knowledge-based nonsensical reasons:

• The Raven's colors are purple, yellow, and black (totes fierce) so I def have to root for them. The 49ers are gold and red and that really does nothing for me.
• As my good friend, Allie, noted, the Raven's Quarterback, Joe Flacco, resembles an actual raven. His hair is black as night, super thick, and forms a widow's peak, much like a raven. His eyebrows are bushy too, further proving he is part bird. It's science. You can't argue with science so that's, that. Oh, and I can yell "Go, Joe" or "Go, Flacco" and it rhymes. Win. 

  

  "I look like a Raven?"

  

  "Dude, that guy looks like my brother."
  

• My dad is rooting for the Ravens and in sports situations, a girlie girl who doesn't know much about football always goes with Dad. A dad would never steer his daughter wrong...on purpose. Note: If the 49ers win, I won't blame my dad as I really don't give a damn about this game, but you didn't hear that from me.
• The Ravens are an actual thing! I'm no dummy. I know a Raven is a bird and a 49er is just some name they came up with for San Francisco b/c all the other good mascots were taken. I think the Elephants are still available. How cool would that be? Or what about the Giraffe? Those beasts can be feisty when they're pissed. You did know their necks weigh 500lbs, right? I think that's more frightening than fools rushing for gold. Note: Form a mascot committee and assume the position of Creative Director.
• The Raven's quarterback is a bit older and someone needs to throw that old bag a bones a big, shiny, Mr. T-like super bowl ring. That young, spark plug, beefcake Kaepernick has plenty of time to shine, and shine he will. If my Super Bowl decision was based on looks, I'd be rooting for the 49ers, but I'm deeper than that and as you can see from this list, I base my decisions on facts, people!

Well, there you have it folks. If you were on the fence regarding who to cheer on from your cozy couch with a beer in hand and queso-filled bellies, I hope my painstakingly thorough research has helped you pick your team. I also hope you realize this post is just to make you laugh and I'm not a degenerate. 

Go, Joe! (see how fun that is!)

Love and shoes,
Kimberly

P.S. This post is dedicated to Allie and Stacy who helped me through my super bowl struggle and for telling me I should blog about my stealthy team-picking strategies;-)

Your hair makes me 'Blue'

No ma'am.

Not only do we have to endure her media tour in which she has done nothing but talk about rehab (b/c she didn't know how to deal with life. her words. i swear), how she feels bad about being a cheater/homewrecker, and how sexy her husband is, now we have to endure hair experiments gone wrong. She'd be better off wearing her crimped hair in a scunci.

Love and shoes,
Kim