You may think '"how can one thing ruin a whole outfit?" Well, it can and I see it on a daily basis. It's just a shame. I feel bad for the outfit really.
If you or any of your friends have an issue with the following, please contact me immediately:
1. Muffin Top: We are all familiar with this terrible monster but yet, I see the streets crawling with people not knowing their waist size. How are they comfortable? Don't they feel the waistband cutting into their midsection and the overflow bounce when they walk? Perhaps these people have mirrors that only go to their chest, or perhaps they have full-length mirrors and have just given up in life. I imagine they see the muffin top, sigh, and say to themselves "well, I guess this is good as it's going to get." To those people I say two things: "NO IT'S NOT" and "PLEASE GET A BIGGER SIZE!" If you button your pants and there is an overhang (even after you do the obligatory right-out-of-the-dryer squat), take them off and get a bigger size. There is no shame in going up a size, well I guess there is a little bit, I mean who are we kidding? No one wants to go up a size. However, there is more shame walking around with a spare tire flopping around your waist. We can't see what size your pants are but we can sure see that MUFFIN TOP. Either size up or stay in.
This can also happen with your underwear. See list item 3 (VBL).
2. Mini-muffins: Mini-muffins you say? What are mini-muffins? Well my friends, I coined this description when I was in junior high and the counselor apparently didn't know her bra size and would insist on wearing fitted turtlenecks. So, mini-muffins are the boob bubbles that pop over the top of your bra cups. When you walk into a room dressed to the nines, you don't want people wondering if you are a freak of nature with four tatas. Word to the wise: don't let your cups runneth over!
3. Visible panty lines (VPL): Under no circumstances should the general public know what type of undergarments you choose to wear on any given day. They have so many slimmers, shapers, and sucker uppers that there is no excuse for a g-string outline or a whale tail coming out of the back of your pants. Now what I'm about to say is risky because there are a lot of classless people out there, however, I'm trusting YOU won't let me down. Should you find yourself in a quandry with no options at your disposal, I think it's better to go commando than showcase your undie lines. Please use common sense on this one. If you can see lumps and bumps, either pick out another outfit or haul ass to the nearest department store and get yourself some Spanx (or slaps as my good friend, Cindy calls them). Just be sure to avoid any Britney Spears moments and keep your legs closed when exiting vehicles!
4. Sausage-casing clothing: The Kardashians, specifically Kim and Khloe, are good examples of this tragedy. There is a fine line between fitted and sausage casing. Yes, you want to wear fitted over baggy, especially if you have curves, but don't take it to extremes and wear things that look like a straight jacket with arm holes. This will also help the abovementioned VPL. Give your body some breathing room, ladies!
5. Toes overboard: If you've read previous posts or know me at all, you know how much I LOVE shoes. One sure fire way to piss me off and ruin a good pair is to shove your feet into some shoes that don't quite fit leaving your toes hanging over the front. Not only does it gross me out, it makes you look like some sort of spider monkey clinging to dear life. If you have this problem, you probably have the muffin top issue as well because you are not aware of your size.
6. Open-toed shoes WITH panty hose. I find this normally occurs in the older women demographic. What's even better is when they wear the reinforced toe! Yes, because that dark brown patch covering your toes is totally natural looking. Perhaps they don't think it's appropriate to show their legs without panty hose because that's how they were raised? Who knows. Times have changed, ladies. Where it was once risque to show your bare legs it's now accepted and a must in our Texas weather! A nice sandal is supposed to be a nce sandal. Its essence shouldn't be compromised by putting nylons in the mix. If you have the need to wear hose, do everyone a favor and just wear a closed toe shoe, please.
7. Bad makeup. When I talk about outfits I'm invisioning the whole picture, from top to bottom, and this means makeup. Always take into account the event you are attending. If it's formal or over the top, then go for that darker eyeshadow and extra coat of mascara (within reason), but if it's to a children's birthday party, there is no excuse for giving the hired clown a run for his money. Dial it down! There are always times where we want to go lavish with the makeup and have fun, but for the most part, makeup exists to accentuate our natural beauty. Make sure your look is cohesive and it flows from head to toe.
I wanted to stop at lucky number seven, but I have to inlclude one more to grow on, and it's probably the most important.
8. Bad posture. How many times have we heard mothers around the world say "stand up straight!"? You may think this has nothing to do with an outfit, but you are dead wrong. You might as well wear a burlap sack if you are going to slouch because no one is going to be looking at what you are wearing. They will be wondering what is wrong with the sad looking girl in the corner. A slouchy posture gives off a vibe that you lack self confidence and pride. Not only does it suck the beauty right out of a woman, it also does an injustice to a perfectly good ensemble. It causes wrinkles and puckers where there should never be wrinkles and puckers. I don't care if you are 6' or 5' tall. You deserve to feel beautiful, walk with confidence, and look like you own the room. Anytime you feel yourself start to slump, turn up the volume on your inner mother and STAND UP STRAIGHT!
These are definitely not the only ways to take a chic outfit to eeek! but they are the most common and the easiest to avoid. So if you have to print out this list and pin it up near your FULL LENGTH mirror, do your outfits a favor and get to pinning . There really is no point in dressing up or even dressing for the day if you are going to crap it away on something stupid like ill-fitting shoes. Stay chic, my fashion divas!
Love and shoes,
Kim
5. Toes overboard: If you've read previous posts or know me at all, you know how much I LOVE shoes. One sure fire way to piss me off and ruin a good pair is to shove your feet into some shoes that don't quite fit leaving your toes hanging over the front. Not only does it gross me out, it makes you look like some sort of spider monkey clinging to dear life. If you have this problem, you probably have the muffin top issue as well because you are not aware of your size.
6. Open-toed shoes WITH panty hose. I find this normally occurs in the older women demographic. What's even better is when they wear the reinforced toe! Yes, because that dark brown patch covering your toes is totally natural looking. Perhaps they don't think it's appropriate to show their legs without panty hose because that's how they were raised? Who knows. Times have changed, ladies. Where it was once risque to show your bare legs it's now accepted and a must in our Texas weather! A nice sandal is supposed to be a nce sandal. Its essence shouldn't be compromised by putting nylons in the mix. If you have the need to wear hose, do everyone a favor and just wear a closed toe shoe, please.
7. Bad makeup. When I talk about outfits I'm invisioning the whole picture, from top to bottom, and this means makeup. Always take into account the event you are attending. If it's formal or over the top, then go for that darker eyeshadow and extra coat of mascara (within reason), but if it's to a children's birthday party, there is no excuse for giving the hired clown a run for his money. Dial it down! There are always times where we want to go lavish with the makeup and have fun, but for the most part, makeup exists to accentuate our natural beauty. Make sure your look is cohesive and it flows from head to toe.
I wanted to stop at lucky number seven, but I have to inlclude one more to grow on, and it's probably the most important.
8. Bad posture. How many times have we heard mothers around the world say "stand up straight!"? You may think this has nothing to do with an outfit, but you are dead wrong. You might as well wear a burlap sack if you are going to slouch because no one is going to be looking at what you are wearing. They will be wondering what is wrong with the sad looking girl in the corner. A slouchy posture gives off a vibe that you lack self confidence and pride. Not only does it suck the beauty right out of a woman, it also does an injustice to a perfectly good ensemble. It causes wrinkles and puckers where there should never be wrinkles and puckers. I don't care if you are 6' or 5' tall. You deserve to feel beautiful, walk with confidence, and look like you own the room. Anytime you feel yourself start to slump, turn up the volume on your inner mother and STAND UP STRAIGHT!
These are definitely not the only ways to take a chic outfit to eeek! but they are the most common and the easiest to avoid. So if you have to print out this list and pin it up near your FULL LENGTH mirror, do your outfits a favor and get to pinning . There really is no point in dressing up or even dressing for the day if you are going to crap it away on something stupid like ill-fitting shoes. Stay chic, my fashion divas!
Love and shoes,
Kim
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